he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
