Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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