Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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