I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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