I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
