I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to calm my uterus...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
