I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
birth control should be required to get into college
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
