apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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