why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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