just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
