Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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