Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
