You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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