I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
