I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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