it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
