I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
