Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
