haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So much rum. So many feels.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
