I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
