yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Randomize
