i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
well you can't waste a boner
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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