one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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