fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You have to summon your inner elephant
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
