I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
