How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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