I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
