I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
