i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
