my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
