I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
