everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
