I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
