Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
whose parrot is this?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
