I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
