Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
