My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i drank out of a bidet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
