Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
