Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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