i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
