She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
