saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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