you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
