Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
