I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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