ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
