i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
