In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
