bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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