i'm lost and i look like a hooker
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
