Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
