im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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