Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
