I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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