Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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