It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
